Finding Me.

I look back, WAY back to the girl before I became someones wife; to the time before I was someones mom.  Where did she go? How did she get lost? Who will help me find her again? Is it even possible to pull her back from the abyss of the past and into the present?  Surely I am not the only one on earth who has lost themselves by becoming everyone else's something, but in the process left me behind.  I know life changes people, circumstances change people, people change people, hardships change people, blessings change people, but into someone they don't recognize anymore when they look in the mirror and stare at their own reflection? These are all very introspective questions I have recently pondered, and maybe just maybe you have done the same.  I know we are meant to morph into the person God wants us to be, but what if some of that changing has left you so tattered and torn you just want to see a little of your old self come to life.

So much has happened in my life since the last time I wrote a blog, and honestly I don't know how long the fog will last being the crazy chaos that has been my life for almost two years now.  Divorce, moving to a different state, taking a new and very challenging job,  and on top of that being a single parent to two kids can take its toll.  No wonder I am tattered and torn, worn and wrinkled ;) But there is something deep within me that longs to see the girl I was, or at least pieces and parts of who I am, me as a person before the love, heartbreak, blessing, bliss, devastation and flat out train wreck that has been my life.

Were do you even begin to find the you that used to be? Do you look at old pictures or rekindle friendships?  Maybe do you wish you would wake up with amnesia and forget what happened? I don't know...well I do know that amnesia is not a viable option because although it would remove the hurt, it would also remove all the joy as well.  And about those old pictures...they don't change what has happened between then and now, but they will remind you that time marched on whether you like it or not.  Rekindle old friendships, absolutely, as there is nothing better than old friends to share good memories and new fun times with, and besides you could never have too many friends in this insane world we live in to share your life with.

What I do know is LIFE IS HARD.  Anyone who seems to have the perfect life is hiding something, maybe not on purpose but they are just in deep denial.  This world is filled with hardship, heartache, deep disappointments (some we bring apon ourselves, and some just happen) and no one is immune.  Bad things happen to good people, and life is not fair.  It's just fact, life is filled with thorns and some scratch deeper and sting more than others.  I often think how we deal with those scrapes, scratches, or deep and infected wounds become what molds us, shapes us, changes us, contorts us and not the bruises and bumps themselves.  After all, we can't remotely control the thorns that inflict the wounds, but we can control ourselves, how we handle them, and how we choose. And yes, choose to move forward in spite of them.  I am not the only one beat up, torn, contorted, wounded...we all are, just in different ways and severity.

That girl, the one I used to be, she doesn't exist anymore.  She is changed.  She is scarred.  She is broken.  She is often tired and weary.  But she still is! And she does not give up.  And she does not give in. And she does not look back and think what if...She looks forward, and thinks...what if?

Spring is HERE, what better than to try new recipes!!

Okay, I totally didn't realize how much I had missed the warm weather until spring arrived!! And even though I live in a state where sunshine isn't lacking during the winter months, it is still a breath of fresh air to feel warm breezes on my face.  Definitely a huge boost to my mood, and my motivation for getting things done is on the rise! Time to put away the furry fleece pajamas, and dig out the shorts and t-shirts! 

I spent the last several days cooking things for my family which I haven't cooked before at home.  And much to my delight along with theirs, most all of them have turned out better than expected! So after request from the Facebook friends and family, I will post the three recent recipes I am in love with, and happy cooking my friends!!

Layered Ratatouille

http://www.thecomfortofcooking.com/2010/08/layered-ratatouille.html

It was awesome!  If you have kids eating it, go easy on the pepper and red pepper so it won't be too spicy for your little's.  It is a great way to get veggies into your family, and it looks so pretty, who wouldn't want to eat it!!  Click on the link under the picture to the left get the recipe!

Cucumber Margarita

Second is the Cucumber Margarita I modified from a recipe I found on the internet.  The following makes one serving, so just adjust the ingredients according to how many you would like to make. 

2 1/2 oz. Tequilla (silver or 100% agave tequilla)

1 oz. light agave nectar

1 oz. fresh squeezed lime juice

2 oz Cucumber juice (or juice of choice)

place all ingredients in a stainless steel shaker with ice and serve in a salt rimmed glass of your choice.  I used a martini glass I painted in the picture. 

For the cucumber juice: Place the chopped cucumber in a blender (or I used my Ninja small single serving attachment) and smash the pieces down into the pitcher. Blend on high until liquefied, about 30 seconds. (You may need to stop the blender and smash the cucumber pieces down more to get the blade spinning again.) Then, set a fine-mesh strainer over a 2-cup measuring cup and pour the liquefied cucumber through the strainer. Using a rubber spatula, press on the solids to extract as much juice as possible.  You can also use this same technique to make other kinds of juice such as strawberry, raspberry, blueberry...you get the point. 

Bacon and Spinach Quiche

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/spinach-and-bacon-quiche-recipe.html

This last one is just a bonus recipe for Bacon and Spinach Quiche, and it was amazing!! We told my picky little boy it was bacon pie, and he ate it like a champ! This one is a recipe by Paula Dean and it honestly was better than the quiche I have had in restaurants! YES, honest, so if you need to take a breakfast or brunch dish to something, take this and you will be BOSS of the whole shebang!! Click on link under the picture to the left to get this holy wow recipe!! 

Richard Sherman & John Tortorella (maybe it's a North West Coast thing)

Well, we can sure say this past weekend of sporting events were anything but boring.  And although I don't think I often, or ever for that matter, have given my two cents worth on sporting events or the "Pro's" in the sporting world; but I guess there is a first time for everything EH? NFL's Seattle Seahawks player Richard Sherman and NHL's Vancouver Canucks coach John Tortorella in the NWC (my acronym for North West Coast) surely need to invest in a sun light or something to help reduce their testy attitudes and keep them out of trouble!

Geeze, where do I start?  Who made a bigger donkey's batootie of themselves over the weekend is a loaded question? But what I find most interesting is the underlying information we probably don't know and didn't see that fueled the fire of these two.  From what I have read, Richard Sherman and Michael Crabtree allegedly had a run in off season.  This is Mr. Sherman's excuse for acting like a real doorknob when he had the undivided attention of millions of people...not exactly a wise usage of his twenty seconds in the spotlight (not to mention I would think it may have diminished his opportunities for additional income from sponsorships).  I know, I know, he was pumped with adrenaline.  So was I when I gave birth to my son at 38 years old without so much as a Tylenol, but I didn't run through the halls of the hospital afterward telling all the other Mom's I was the BEST!!! And for the love of Pete, he has his BA in Communication!  The poor little chick interviewing him looked like a deer in headlights and didn't really know how to handle an interview like the one he shouted.  And I know, he grew up in a bad part of Los Angeles, but if you are getting paid the big bucks and have a 3.9 GPA at Sanford, you might want to show a little bit of class...just sayin'!

Now on to John Tortorella who lost his temper after the Calgary Flames started their game with their forth line, AKA the fighters, and left John to decide whether to play his fighters too for the very first face off of the game, or risk his first line of superstars and hope the fighters didn't really want to drop the gloves on the very first shift of the game.  He decided not to risk the big dollar players and as soon as that puck hit the ice all hell broke loose!  Not how, I am certain, he envisioned his team beginning their game on Hockey Day in Canada 2014!  There is a part of me who can understand his lividness, since he probably thinks of his players a bit like his kids and wants to protect them a bit from silly publicity stunts pulled by a team like the Flames who are having a not so pretty season.  But his trying to get to the other teams locker room during the first intermission was a line he should not have crossed no matter how mad he was.  Not only that, but holy cow, he would have been destroyed by a number of Calgary's fighters had they jumped in to defend their coach!  That's like walking into prison and trying to take on Bubba before breakfast! And John is the coach of a team doing quite well this year, he makes tons of money, and is supposed to be their leader.  Gotta keep it in check when you are the coach, and in situations such as these, it is extremely hard to do, or not do in John's case (yikes)~!

What point am I driving at here you might be asking, and why is a stay at home mom writing about these two guys?  First, it shows us what NOT to do even if we don't make millions playing ball or coaching.  Don't waste your twenty seconds of fame bragging on yourself because it doesn't go over well, and when you are a leader of anything from your kids girl scout troop to the coach of the company ball  team...be just that, a leader AKA someone worth following when it matters most! Now here's my advice for both Richard and John, get yourself a little sunshine fix and smarten up!!! And as for me, I will just be glad none of my "finest moments" have been captured on camera to be played over and over on ESPN highlights or Youtube.  And for that reason alone today, I will smile and just move on ;)