Missing the One's I LOVE on Thanksgiving this Year

I know it is well understood that holiday's whether it be Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, Easter, or Christmas, are often the most difficult to move through without the ones you love.  Whether it be distance that keeps you apart, or they have left this earth thus leaving us behind.  This year is the first year in 41 years that I will not be with my parents for Thanksgiving Day.  And for some of you, I'm sure you might like to tell me to suck it up because at least I can call them...and your Mom, Dad, or both are no longer available via phone.  And well, you are right, and my heart breaks for y'all, and it truly is beyond my comprehension as to how it feels.  I dread that day. But until then, the fact for me to not be with them is a difficult pill to swallow.

You see, my family, including extended family such as aunt's, uncle's, and cousins were always there on Thanksgiving Day; and it was truly a special time.  Problem is, I didn't realize it until the two people that held it all together were gone...and it will never be the same.  I have even tried to have everyone, and their families over my house to try and reproduce it. Although it was fun, and I enjoyed the family being together once again...it still wasn't the same.  It was then that I realized no matter what I did, how I cooked the turkey, dressed the tables with beautiful table cloths, and had all the same dishes...it can't be done.  When I went year after year to those most special holiday gatherings, I took it for granted that it would always be like that; never stopping to just soak it up.  I was young, and didn't truly understand that our family was not just special...but extraordinary!!! Everyone got along, the adults played cards, and the kids played board games.  Never was there a family brawl, a spat, even so much as a cross word to anyone about anything. I know it sounds fake, but it wasn't!  It happened year, after year, after year, holiday after holiday, all year long.  And I would give anything to just go back one time, just one more time so I could soak it in; etch it in my mind one last time.  But I can't...and although I will hold my husband and kids close to me, and I love them more than life itself...my heart will long to be on Kiefer Road, in a small old house, filled with love, laughter, and my family.  Oh how I would love to hear my grandma whistling in the kitchen as she bustled around cooking everything like it was no big deal, to hear the football game blaring on the television set that was 19 inches, hear the sound of a bunch of loud wild kids running from room to room, and stop time! But it is impossible...

So tomorrow, I will call my Mom my usual 10 times on the phone, probably facetime, and then send my love to the rest of my family via facebook. I will cook for my small family the best dinner I know how, watch the parade like I do every year, probably cry if I have to admit it...and simply resolve myself to the fact that I must carry on and create new memories for the sake of my kids instead of living in the past, even though it was glorious.  What else is there to do...I suppose I will try to smile and just move on...but it won't be easy.