no smiling here...not today, just can't

As some of you may have seen from my personal FB comment, I had to put my black Lab who was 13 1/2 yrs old down this morning.  I am typing this looking through very red, burning eyes, and my head is pounding from the amount of crying I have done since I knew it was time.  I think that is the hardest part, when is it time?  I am awful for second guessing myself, and God love my husband's heart, he is absolutely no help in this department.  I actually prayed before I went to bed last night that he would just pass in the night so I didn't have to face the inevitable this morning, but that didn't work.  I knew in my heart it was best for him, but so hard for me to make myself load him into the car and drive him to the vet.

Pets are a part of the family, and always show love and affection unconditionally.  We have had at least two Labs for the last 16 1/2 of the 18 yrs of marriage, and puppies were my solution when we had a long run of infertility.  That's how we ended up with three Labs, one of each color, sleeping in our bed with us before Lily was even born.  Buddy was the last of the original three, and although he surely lived a long, happy life; it still doesn't take away the pain felt every time I look at where he used to lay next to my bedside.  It will take time to mend my broken heart, and he will always be known as our crazy fetching Buddy to anyone who knew him in his younger days.

I will not go on and on, as I really don't have it in me today for sure.  I will love on my dog Buster and my kitty, try to help my daughter work through the loss of Buddy, and spend time with my family; but today I must say, I simply can't Smile and just move on...not yet :(